Useful Language — Saying the Difficult Thing

The phrases that keep a hard conversation from becoming a fight.

Tap the beside any phrase to hear it, then say it out loud. Then listen to the full conversation below.

🚪 Step 1 — Opening the conversation

Thanks for coming. I want to talk about something I’ve noticed, and I’d rather do it now than later.
This is a conversation, not a warning.
I want to hear your side of this as well.
Let me say what I’ve seen, and then you tell me if I have it wrong.

🔎 Step 2 — Describing the behaviour, not the person

On three mornings last week you arrived after nine thirty.
The reports have gone out late four times this month.
I’m not saying you don’t care. I’m saying it’s happening.
Help me understand what’s going on.

🧘 Step 3 — Staying calm when they react

I can see this is frustrating.
Take a moment if you need one.
I hear you, and I still need us to solve this.
That’s fair, isn’t it?

📌 Step 4 — Consequences and closing

If this continues, I’ll have to start a formal process, and I really don’t want that.
If you can tell me what would help, I’ll try to make it happen.
So we’ve agreed two things. Let me write them down.
Let’s look at this again in a month.

Listen: the conversation about lateness

Paolo: Thanks for coming, Elena. I want to talk about something I’ve noticed, and I’d rather do it now than in six months.

Elena: If this is about the mornings, I always make the hours up. I stay until seven most days.

Paolo: I know you do, and the work is good. On three mornings last week you arrived after nine thirty. That’s what I want to understand.

Elena: Does it matter, if the work gets done?

Paolo: It matters because the team notices, and because the nine o’clock handover happens without you. Help me understand what’s going on.

Elena: My mother had a stroke in June. I take her to the clinic three mornings a week. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to be treated differently.

Paolo: I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Thank you for telling me. That changes what we should be solving.

Elena: I don’t want special treatment.

Paolo: This isn’t special treatment, it’s a schedule. If we move your start to ten on those three days and the handover to ten fifteen, does that work?

Elena: That would work. Really.

Paolo: Good. I’ll write down what we agreed and send it to you, and we’ll look at it again in a month. That’s fair, isn’t it?

Notice that Paolo describes events, not character, and that the solution arrives as a conditional question (if we move your start…, does that work?) rather than an order. The question tag at the end checks agreement without pressure.